*Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of WeNubs.*
It was a routine expedition, and the kid from Role models asks a very powerful and profound question, “Did dinosaurs have boobs?”
Ok that was a cheap shot.
So then the movie gets trippy and there are lizard scientists who apparently are kryptonians because there is a lot of talk about crystals and the end of the universe. I’ll be honest and just say that I was watching the movie in a 3x3 inch window on my laptop while I looked for pictures of dinosaurs with boobs. Alas the above is the only dinosaur I found with mammary glands large enough to sustain prehistoric life (aka the UK).
Man…..why do I hate the UK? If anything we are like the equivalent of rural Kentucky compared to the highly sophisticated and refined culture of the United Kingdom, plus the Queen looks like a really nice lady. I would help her cross the street any day.
Once I realized the not-so-hot Wendy’s mascot co-star wasn’t gonna get topless or learn how to act, I turned off the film.
So why waste your time like this? Well after my childhood memories were shattered by Elf, I thought about some of my other childhood memories, namely my favorite video games on the N64.
I cannot tell you how many hours my brother and I poured into this game playing in the stunt arenas and trying to get all of the coins. There were all sorts of edges and angles you would have to hit with your car that the creators designed just for that purpose, and then you would deploy your stunt wings and use them to twist and spin your car while in the air while getting points for air time, spins, 360’s and barrel rolls. If I remember correctly, this game also featured a level in Midway’s offices, giving you a cool Army Men sort of feel as you raced across hallways and into vents or across desks. It even had battles which I remember as being awesome as well.
This game was amazing at least at the time. A part of me wishes that someone would remake it, and yes I know there are plenty of other Rush games but I think this one was easily the best.
I am sure none of you are surprised to find this on my list of favorite long lost games. To be quite honest, this was my first introduction to multiplayer shooters and my cousins and brother and I stayed up late into the night playing paintball and stacking mines, oh and shooting russians is always fun! Right comrade?
The first, and some might say ONLY Perfect Dark game worth mentioning. Perfect Dark for the 64 was phenomenal. The bots were insane and also pretty creepy as they ran diagonally and backwards. I believe this was because artificial intelligence does not have to look to know where it is going. I remember my brother and I would mess with the setting in multiplayer and have slow motion rocket battles which were just epic. Also, there was a gun which could lock on to people and shoot through walls ironically named the Farsight. It was always a blast to find someone using it, because they would be standing in a corner looking through the scope of the gun and slowly rotating.
I think this game even had tranquilizer darts which drugged you up, and you got dizzy when someone smacked you. Simply, epic. No stupid jetpacks and other crappiness that was in the 360 version. Oh and there was some sort of plot that aliens were trying to infiltrate the government I guess….who knows.
With talk of an XBLA version coming this winter including updated graphics, new features and 4 player multiplayer, I find myself eager to get back inside Joanna Dark.
Don’t believe me? Here’s the link: http://www.xbox.com/en-US/games/p/perfectdarkxboxlivearcade/
So all in all I think the N64 was a great system, and if I have not disappointed enough of you by leaving out Mario and Zelda, here is why I did so:
The games listed above stole days of my life, not just one play through. RPG’s suck!
